THAT FOUR-LETTER WORD

CUBE – the noun.

Definition: a cubicle, especially one of those found in offices.  

UsageThe coworker in the adjacent CUBE rapidly taps an arrhythmic beat with her shoes on the PVC plastic mat beneath her swivel chair trying to drive me insane.

CUBE – the verb.

Examples: third-person singular, simple present: cube out; present participle: cubing out; simple past and past participle: cubed out.

Definition: To reach the volume limit of a container. 

Usage 1: I cube out pumping tunes from my playlist through the Airpods. Today, I cube out to Alanis Morissette. It’s that kind of day. My spinning swivel chair is the accelerant. Rapid oxidation comes next. I bond with the electropositive atoms galvanizing my CUBE. I leave my body and float above, gazing down at my corpus delicti.

Usage 2I sense I may be cubing out when the flightless Mother of All Hens bottoms out in my CUBE environs and force feeds me an anecdote about her 19 year- old nephew:

He went to his first job interview yesterday. He was sooo nervous that he was texting me the whole time he was fillin’ out the application. He didn’t know what to put for an answer to the race question. So he texted me: should I put down White or Italian? Isn’t that soooo cute???!!!

I am definitely cubing out. To the third power – 6 x 6 x 6 – to the max.

Usage 3: The Cackling Devourer of Potato Chips enters the women’s bathroom this morning and psychically takes me hostage by her boundary-busting-Berlin-Wall-destructo Uninvited presence. The employees rest room is nothing less than a warren of cubicles THAT YOU HAVE TO SHARE.

I am at the sink washing my hands. She heads for the first stall.

“Don’t go in there,” I warn. “Someone peed on the seat.”

“Oh!” she says. “It’s much too early for that.”

That’s it. I am f♠️cking cubed out .

 

 

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